Theatrical Traveler Gifts

Planet of the drapes

'Sorry, but I don't know what's playing at London theatres.'

Easter Island legs

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

Southwark Fair.

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Reginald Bunthorne

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

Cygnets from Swan Lake

Off to see the world

Vaccination Passport

Orchestra conductor

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

Lenin, Anticipating His Arrival at Finland Station, Sees His Baggage Taken Off at Beloostrov.

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

Music Hall Dancers

Sir Jasper Murgatroyd

Snail Man

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

Sir Conrad Murgatroyd

A white collar cow.

Moon

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'Now in Capulets'