The Perpetually Unlucky Gifts

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

'I hate my life.

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

Businessman Panhandling

'Let's put that nasty word out 'plummet' of our minds.'

'A four-leaf clover! They say it brings luck!'

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

Things are never as bad as they seem - they're usually much, much worse.

Murphy and his brother 'sod' at work on their now famous law.

Unlucky sculpture.

"Oh, that's Mr Norris. He's our risk analyst."

"Local Showers"

'first it was bankruptcy,then I totaled my four-wheeler,then my marriage.Now the magic has gone out of casting.'

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

"Sorry to report your labs came back positive. There's no reason you can't continue your pessimistic lifestyle, though."

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

'Why do the bad things that happen to stupid investors always happen to me?'

'Time to try out my new shoes...'

'What do you want to hear first, the bad news or the even worse news?'

Defeatist Marathon.

'George,I know deer season opens tomorrow but you're not going to make it.'

When pessimists live the dream.

"Life is a lot like stop and go traffic. A pessimist sees the stop, an optimist - the go."

"My shrink tells me my bad luck is all in my head."