The Listener Pillows

Attention Span Man

Audio Books

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Clive Anderson

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Shell Pods

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

"Boy, the Reverend sure has your number."

'Music hath charms,' &c.

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"If you think I talk too much, you should come right out say so! That way we can talk about it."

Science Applied to Art

"I'll knock 10% off this session as I wasn't really listening."

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'She saw right through me.'

Onstage with the transgenic singers...

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

'She doesn't know that listening is not the same as mentally rehearsing her answers.'

Here's your problem. You have an iPod.

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"Sorry, I was driving under the influence of a bull market radio report."

Things can only get worse...

Stork and baby

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"