Thanksgiving Survivor Gifts

The need to run from the table screaming, has reached it's peak about an hour ago and has now subsided into a tolerable level of anguish where I only occasionally want to smash a fork into my eye socket. . .

'I survived four Thanksgivings. I deserve to accompany you on the Veterans' Parade!'

'I don't know all that much about welding, but I really need to get a job before the end of the month.'

Grace For Flies

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Plymouth Rock

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"I'm stuffed. But in a good way."

Beauty and the Baste

"It'll never be ready in time."

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Frivolity -- What art thou in for?'

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

Roscoe's Great Escape

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Do you expect to be stuffed on Thanksgiving?'

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

'Leave it to the school system to turn an enjoyable meal into an historical event.'

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

Before and After Holiday Diet