Thanksgiving Dodger Gifts

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Happy Turkey Day!

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

Before and After Holiday Diet

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

Motivation

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"You'll catch her if you're quick. She made a dash for the back door."

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

It can be bloody hard work to avoid the relatives at Christmas.

'Dinner.'

Turkey Hostage.

"Okay, okay... so, I didn't kill the bird myself. What's the big deal?"

"Pretend relationships are better than real ones."

Why Pilgrims wore so many buckles...

The Thanksgiving mom cracked.

A turkey holds up a sign reading "Repent!"

"Cuttin' out the middle man!"

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

The Horn O' Plenty Quintet

'You can uncover your eyes now, dear. The dessert cart is out of sight.'

"You haven't seen any turkeys around here, have you?!"

'My wife said it was up to me - I could come to her sister's wedding, or go to Vegas with you and the guys. Guess what I chose?'

"I hate leg day."

'Good report Bob but it's not quite there yet.' And neither was Bob.

Travel 1st class and avoid meeting your creditors.

Liberation. You've removed your hypochondria mask. Is flu season over? Possibly for good. There's new research that shows that the warming of the globe is inhospitable to those @#$% flu bugs. The viruses thrive on cold weather. That might be why fly and head colds have been relatively mild. It's just wonderful. Of course, I still won't be shaking hands, or hugging, which are disgusting habits. And we'll all die when the planet overheats because we have no ozone. Are you sure you @#$ whining isn'