Family Gathering Dodgers Gifts

It can be bloody hard work to avoid the relatives at Christmas.

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'No, we are not going on an extreme picnic.'

"Any yet he's always on my case."

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

A diamond robbery goes wrong when the hook catches the sleeping museum guard's hat

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"You should have been here at eight!"

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

'You're going to have to find a way of avoiding those fast serves!'

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

"Sorry, your meeting's been pushed back...Mr. Smith's only 2,000 from a world record!"

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

'40 years and I never missed a meeting. Oh, I attended a few, but never missed not going to another!'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."