Terraforming Pillows

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

The stages of gentrification: a guide

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

Eviction Notice for Earth...

Sluttiness is Killing Prostitution

"I don't care that you personalized your work area, but stop yelling 'Howdy, neighbor!' to everyone you see!"

'I am trying to bring about change.'

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

"Any thoughts on how we might mark black history month?"

Menu. Will you do it? It'll cost you -- Two lattes. Fine. Just do it. Ok, stand back. You stupid #*& phone. Stop disconnecting my calls, you #*&% jerk! It needed doing, but I couldn't yell at my own phone. That felt wonderful.

"Think of this as your back's way of telling you to quit twerking."

How does she get her grass so green?

"The raise I'm asking for isn't just about me. It's about shrinking the income gap."

Mother says to son on Bonfire Night: 'Of course, we won't actually be burning the Guy because of the carbon emissions.'

Streaking makes a comeback, but nobody notices.

'You used foul and offensive language when addressing your computer. Well....we've all done that.'

'Why do the staff feel so distant from me, Miss Swift?'

"Of course, after I became a PETA member I had to get rid of the heads."

Corporate Culture vs. Corporate Nature.

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

'Golf was too frustrating, so Ed took up painting!'

TV Screen Portal

'Man, there's gotta be an easier way to do this. . .'

"You've never planted a garden before, have you?"

"Fine, tough guy - you don't want to talk to me? I've got auditors - IRS auditors - right outside that door."

"Getting the WiFi to Work"

"Every time I got frustrated with my computer, I would slam on the keyboard. This time the keyboard fought back."

'There HAS to more to life than this!!'