Terms And Conditions Ponderer Pillows

"I always just check the box without reading that stuff."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"I gave on the E train."

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

'Nuff said.

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

"This is not the sort of America I envisioned, Tom-an America in which the middle class has to use public transportation."

'All right, pal, that's enough! Are you gonna pay for the paper or not?'

Remainders Shop

"Of course - we wait forever, then come at the same time,"

'Is this gonna raise my premium?'

'Who crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg?' Francis has always struggled with philosophy.