Terms-and-conditions Philosopher Gifts

User Agreement: Have you at least pretended to read the terms and conditions?

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

Terms and conditions

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

Always a popular motive: Hunter and Prey.

"Our best strategy may be to destigmatize embezzlement."

"Republican striptease"

"Avoid hungry bears."

Torture in Progress, Help Wanted

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

'Why should I feel bad? We're part of natures original recycling program!'

Vegetarian Professor

How To Keep Promises

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

Gitmo's 10th Anniversary

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"I know the rules on cloning, but it's easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission."

Teddy! Time for dinner!! I'm doing an essay on values. I need examples of oppressive values that hold people down. Sit! This hour is non-negotiable. Got it! Family values!

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

"A million monkeys typing for a million years might come up with Hamlet, but they could never direct it."

"Tighten our belts? Why can't you sell your soul to some nasty American corporation?"

'You're taking my life completely out of context.'

'We'll just run it past the ethics committee, and we'll be on our way.'

'Before our weapons are used to destroy the planet we should drink the profit away!'

Some really righteous person turned out to be morally bankrupt today...