Termite Terminator Pillows

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Aedes and Coronavirus perfect storm

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

Flies up the ante!

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Drone Spray

"These door hinges squeak."

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."