Tent Trialist Gifts

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

Trial by Media

Glastonbury. After.

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"You can't plead cute."

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Future Tents

'We're very tight on space right now but we'll have you in an office as soon as we can. Meanwhile...'

"It looks brighter over there!"

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

Please excuse him, he's intent.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

Counsel's Opinion.

Blowing up the camping mattress.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Closing arguments.

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant to be the subject of misplaced guilt.'

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'