Tension Diffuser Gifts

"Negotiations are useless. Let's just say whoever blinks first loses."

"There's just so much hostility I can dish out in one day, and still get my work done."

"My boss says I intimidate people. . . so I stared at him until he apologized."

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

"Sometimes I think they hired me just to take the blame."

'By the way, no one has ever beaten me and lived to tell about it.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"I consider the day a success when I leave the office and have to tiptoe through pieces of broken paradigm!"

"The boss just stopped and squinted at me! Either I"m in big trouble or he's lost is glasses again."

'Aren't you glad we had this meeting to resolve our conflict?'

"You must be the new guy!"

'You made $50,000 less than in the previous year? Gee, I really feel sorry for you guys in the private sector.'

Surface Tension

"I can't read this scribble. . . ! Just get the usual random boxes off the top shelf. . ."

'It's for you.'

'Here's another popsicle stick for ya, Doc.'

"You just want an excuse not to spend Xmas with my family."

'Unbelievable money maker.'

"Oh, he's an alarmist. Trim his wick and he'll be fine."

"Here comes fury without purpose."

"Have you discovered what's making you so stressed?"

Cans of peas.

"If you don't mind, Senator, I'd like to render the rest of my testimony sotto voce."

'This recruit thinks he can make the enemy die laughing.

"Ugh...it's Mr. Martinez. He's always picking fights with all the clerks."