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Stout gentleman declares himself a 'wretched feeder'.

'Now you know why they call it a spectator sport.'

Racketeer

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

Tennis Player.

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

Pommel Horse Poops.

Gang of Musicians

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

Jurassic Par.

'Vodka!'

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

I can't believe you bought an air guitar on eBay! (Published originally on December 18, 2007.)

Classical Customer Information - "How long is a piece of string quartet?"

"Hands are much more capable of efficiently directing a ball into a net!"

'Trick play! Trick play!'

'Oh, come on. We just need one more body. Please die.'

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'