Temperature Tinker Pillows

"It's a dating site that matches you solely on the thermostat setting."

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Drool Marks

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

'Sharon's into genetic engineering!'

Sistine Selfie

Technology and literature

"All my gadgets are old. I'd like some new gadgets."

'I'm afraid this is going to lead to regulation of my invention.'

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Robotic Flower Arranging

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"When you think of it, all you really need is one 3D printer to start manufacturing them yourself!"

December 17, 1903: We miraculously devise a craft that can transport human beings though the sky. December 18, 1903: We figure out how to use said craft to kill people.

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

Solar car with automatic navigation system, automatically choosing sunny routes.

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Our Computer is Up/Down.

"Yes, dear, I was cool under pressure in the boardroom. It's 58 degrees in there!"

"Why run the maze when you don't have to?"

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

"Great prototype, but I asked for a grate prototype."

'I wrote a program that generates random conspiracy theories.'

'Don't knock it. The copy machine hasn't broken down in a month.'

"It's so hard to settle on a office temperature that everybody likes."

"I think we've been wasting out time testing phones on rats. We already know phones are addictive."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"Now, you show me yours"

"Who do you want to replace when you grow up?"

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'