Television Challenger Pillows

TV Kill

"My email is down... talk to me."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Too much cilantro

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

AI

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"I feel proud of the success I've made, thanks for all your support."

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"Always a bridesmaid..."

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

"Here's your problem."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

In case of computer breakdown break glass

Unreliable Narrator

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

"Looks like mum's preparing to go on social media."

'Well, I hope you're satisfied -- I spent all afternoon going over your return, and I can't find a thing wrong with it!'

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.