Television Challenger Pillows

TV Kill

"My email is down... talk to me."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Too much cilantro

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

AI

Millionaire trapped in the body of a bum. Please help correct the situation. ?

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

"I feel proud of the success I've made, thanks for all your support."

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

*Sigh*

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"Always a bridesmaid..."

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

"Here's your problem."

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

Unreliable Narrator

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

In case of computer breakdown break glass

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.

"Looks like mum's preparing to go on social media."