Telephone Traditionalists Gifts

"They have to keep me - I'm the only one here who knows how to answer a landline call."

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

"My kid could have done that with AI."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"The greenest gadget in this high-tech office is still this old pencil sharpener."

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

"If I ever start using emojis have me moved to an assisted-living facility."

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

"That's old Bailey and his ever so secret project...."

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

"It's for you."

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

"Have you seen my CD player?"

"Shall we relocate to the other room for the Queen's Tweet?"

"I think my filing cabinet is a little more practical."

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

Who goes there - young Turk or old guard?

'Here's trouble, it's the militant wing of the Philatelic Society!'

'You'll have to get off that now. I need to make an important call.'

'Yes, I'm writing the message down.'

Visiting Santa

"I miss the challenge of hunting before global positioning systems."

Red indians kept in touch with home without the aid of mobile phones.

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'My son calls me every day. He's a telemarketer.'

'How much older is the guy I'm dating?' Well, he can play solitaire without a computer...'