Telephone Talker Gifts

'This call may be monitored for quality purposes and so that later we can make fun of any stupid things you may have said.'

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

"Hi, Fire Department? It's Fritzy, again..."

Little Known Scenes From History: Alexander Graham Bell in prison inventing the phone so he can make his one call after being arrested.

'Who said you could use my phone?'

'Not now, Harry. I'm on hold.'

'I'm not here if that's my best friend.'

"Me who?"

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

"I'll go ahead and transfer you to Mr. Dixon. Please hold while he sighs heavily before picking up."

"If you eat garlic before using me, once more, I'll..."

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

Whenever Arthur would call, Prunella would drop everything.

'Someone here wants to listen to you,Doris!'

'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'

'Has he been on the phone all morning? No, he stopped an hour ago to change ears.'

"He finally called, and it did kill him."

Come to think of it...I could do with a showcase kitchen as it goes...

'Thank you for holding. By the way, what were you holding.'

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

'I'd like to order some underwear from your catalog, but, would you transfer me to a female customer representative. . .'

'Thank you for calling the Attention Deficit Disorder Hotline... Please continue to hold.'

'Don't worry, I've got my foot in the ... door.'

Hello, sugar lumps? Oh, wrong number? May I call you sugar lumps anyway?

"Some days I wake up grumpy. Other days, I let him sleep."

"We'd love to, but we had too much wine and cheese in the eighties."

"It is we."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

Moo Out Loud

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

WTF?

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"It seemed a given that my bucket-list should include an actual bucket."