Telephone Banter Pillows

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

A senior moment.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

Hot Line

Call centre musicians

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

'Here comes Ted.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Are you in here tonight?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"This is the wine talking."

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

Phone Dating: Man imagines a gorgeous girl while woman thinks of a handsome man.

'Take two asprin and call my wife in the morning.'

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking!'