Telecommuting Humorist Gifts

'It's easy to tell who's been telecommuting.'

Since I started working from home, it only comes out twice a day – wine o'clock and coffee o'clock.

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"I'm working from home today."

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Terry had a computer bug.

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

Hardware and software

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Advertising on the internet.

Twitter that!

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

"Yes, I'm working from home, and my kids are here helping me."

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

Catroom.

Multiple personalities with blogs.