Telecommunications Skeptic Gifts

'You'll never convince me that phone masts aren't a health risk.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Domestic Spying Drones

Big Brother.

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"Tarzan no want computer."