Teetotaler Tester T-Shirts

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Rust test in progress.

'New Barbeque.'

Product Testing Department

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

The Janopause

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

'The new helium airbag was a mistake.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'They're not like popsickles, Sir. . . they're just too warm and syrupy.'

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'So how was work, Honey?'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

'Now I know why this Satnav was going out cheap.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

At the Flip-Flop Quality Control Center.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.

"You're the perfect man for our production test lab, sir!"

After his career as a wrestling pro, Hank 'Iron Claw' Hammersmith found a new job at the touchscreen test department.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Consumer Safety Testing Lab. Bake-it Toy Oven. We have lots of work to do --- Now get the lead out!

Product Testing: Nicotine and Cosmetics.

'No wonder these are bland...they're toys!'

Drink kills.

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'