Teetotaler In Training Pillows

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'New Barbeque.'

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Be careful, Vanessa, I think she's looking for trouble!'

The Janopause

"You talkin' to me?"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Toilet training for an adult.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

A Guilty Conscience.

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I'm a teetotaler.'

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Overdoing It.

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

"This leaf tells me you are not ready to drive."