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"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

Seriously, Bob, your map reading skills leave a lot to be desired!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

"Mother believed in tough love. She was always there for me when I needed a cold shoulder to cry on."

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'I like you and all, Adam, but I'm 'Graphic Novel' and you're just so 'Comic Bookie'.'

"Daddy's still up - I can see him loading his shotgun."

'That's my dad...Director of Homeland Security.'

"Tunnel of 'Like-Like'"

'Vocabulary doesn't seem that hard 'til you start trying to use it on girls.'

'We are giving that kid too much pocket money.'

'Dad gave up teaching me how to drive...I drove him nuts.'

"Land ahoy!"

Graduate receives a tax bill instead of a diploma

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

Teenager sitting at desk with in/out tray which read:'I want' and 'Not fair'

Freshers' week societies - 'Debt', 'Poverty' and 'No Money'.

"I can't believe that in a few short years we're actually going to like them."

'He's moody, cynical, lazy and talks back. Harriet, it's just not easy raising the dead.'

"Looks like the kids have gone off to college. Let's grab a few years alone in the house before they decide to return."

Surroundsound

The Wooden Midshipman on the lookout

"By the way, if I don't make it I'd like a burial at sea."