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'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Marilyn Manson Fan.

"Nicole, Kyle, would you guys burn my yearbook?"

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

'Vocabulary doesn't seem that hard 'til you start trying to use it on girls.'

'Dad gave up teaching me how to drive...I drove him nuts.'

Girl to other re: Drama Class: 'Is that where all the girls gossip and fight over guys?'

Twig, do you

'Dad, will you tell me about the prat falls of dating?'

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

Teenager sitting at desk with in/out tray which read:'I want' and 'Not fair'

'He's moody, cynical, lazy and talks back. Harriet, it's just not easy raising the dead.'

"I don't understand how all the girls grew taller over the summer!"

Surroundsound

"Looks like the kids have gone off to college. Let's grab a few years alone in the house before they decide to return."

'Billy Cargill doesn't have any facebook friends. He's a loner.'

"Woke up late this afternoon, I've got the teenage blues…"

'Sure he's cute, smart and athletic. But my parents would approve of him and that wouldn't work for me.'

"Don't mess with him - he's a hard bastard. . . !"

Cheer up, Twigster. Hmmppff

'Son, your mom and me are sick of bearing a capriciously, pubescent teenager. We decided to change you into a goldfish.'

That's when I decided why should I care

Rebel without a pause...and another ting I'm not going to put up with blah!blah!blah!

'You have a zit where?'

"Thanks for straightening out his teeth.Now, can you do anything about his hunch?'

'Whoa, you look so cool right now.'

My mom keeps trying to talk to me about sex. So awkward! Poor you. She's totally afraid I'm going to "get into trouble"! Funny. My mom doesn't worry at all. She's so cool. I'm not allowed to date until I pass the bar exam.

'Hello Childline... my parents just don't rock.'

Goth.

There's only one way to test out the sex-ed theories. Uh-oh. I need a date with Ryan Beardsley. Twig? He's not on the curriculum. True, but