Teen Guide Gifts

'It's probably a hormonal thing.'

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

The Brothers Grime

"He's gone goth"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Fishbowl rebellion.

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"All the celebrities come here."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

'Sorry I'm late everybody,I got lost.'

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

Funny Farm

Young Pups In A Chat Room.

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"