Teen Financier Gifts

"Video game? No, I'm using the raise in my allowance to buy back stock."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"He's gone goth"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

A child runs an equity stand.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

'That's my boy...'

Warren Buffett as a child

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'He's precocious.'

"Want to trade banks with me?"

No caption. (Adult pushes buttons at an ATM. Child pushes buttons at an "APBM" - and Automatic Piggy Bank Machine.)

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.