Techy Medic Gifts

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

Plug in Stethoscope

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

Current location

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

'Slow Connection'

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Although Frank gets away with overusing that phrase on his diagnostic reports at work, it doesn't work out so well at home.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

When Surgeons Work At Home

Health Care Parade

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

"The procedure took twelve and a half hours, during which time our team of doctors was able to put Mr. Dumpty together again."

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"Ok, so now we know that turning it off and back on again, doesn't work for life support machines."

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

'Brain surgery app.'

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

We use high frequency sound to get rid of kidney stones.

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone wrecognise 'fngx pink' as a symptom?