Technology Pessimist Gifts

'This is depressing. The dating service couldn't find me a match, and even the B. C. Health Ministry couldn't find anybody interested in my information.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

"AI chat bot"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Modern Life Blues

Social media and censorship...

Privacy

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Domestic Spying Drones