Techno-skeptic Gifts

"I know things Google doesn't."

"I'm your therapy robot, Mr. Berkowitz. My role is to help people with technology phobias."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Bandwidth - The average amount of fat on a particular group of musicians.

"This office is state of the art. Human error has been replaced by computer glitches."

Going wireless

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

'Yeek. I need to ditch this thing and quick!'

The World Will Control-Alt-Delete Soon

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"You're what I'd call technochondriac. You feel technology is the cause of all life's problems."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.