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The Computer Bore

Jack of all trades

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"Meet the author"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Ascent of Machine.

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"I hate performance review season."

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

The Not-So Smart Meter

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

Artifishial Intelligence

Evolution of man, starting at ameba through to computer

"Smaller, more powerful chips allow me to have a smaller head."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"What did you download at school today?"

Congratulations on your retirement!

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"