Tech Manager T-Shirts

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Rocket Launch Control Centre Back in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"I hate performance review season."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

Pushy Dog

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"Fact amnesty"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

S.S.dot.com

'This is gonna be one of those teamwork talks, isn't it?'

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

Project Manager Showdown