Tech Trouble Titans Pillows

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

'Does it come on Disc?'

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

'Whose idea was it to teleconference our staff meetings?'

"I'll help you with your weak Wi-Fi signal. But the next time you call a super hero, make sure it's a real emergency."

"I'm not superstitious, but the internet connection broke down and the computer crashed just when I wanted to buy technology stocks..."

"They call it the Cloud. No wonder I Can't find anything in it."

Internet crap.

Top Tips For Video Interviews

"Hello, this is Bill Gates. Remember, nobody has a monopoly on safety, so buckle up!"

The smartphone app learning curve

"You keep telling me to back up my computer. Well, I can't back it up anymore. It's all the way back to the wall."

"Y'know Bruce, you can just click on the 'Forgot Password' button, right?"

"If it makes you feel better...I usually don't understand what I'm doing either."

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

"A P.C. is a P.C....a Copier is a Copier...and never the twain shall meet!"

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

"Block robocall number...text friend...block robocall number..."

"Winslow's computer must be down again."

"Welcome to tech support. You have three minutes to rage at me before we put an actual technician on the line."

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

Laptop Frustration Fixer

'When the computer senses that you are in a hurry, it automatically slows down.'

System been down long?

"The fine print? Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."