Tech Trouble Fixer Prints

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

'Try rebooting.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"Thanks for the leaf blower! I'm putting it to good use."

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

'Can you show me on this dolly what Bill Gates did to your computer?'

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

'WRONG PIN NUMBER!'

'The computer mentions 'virus' but I'm not sure whether it's in the software or you.'

"Yes, I know how to fix it! I watched a 12 year-old do it on a YouTube video."

"We can have your drone here fixed in a day or. . . if it sits still."

Till malfunction

'Eiter global warming is accelerating, or my Google map with climate information is malfunctioning.'

'Don't knock it. Since I put the candles up, the computer hasn't crashed all term.'

Wringing the Monitor

"This program really isn't user friendly."

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

'Boss, the techies didn't install this body scanner correctly. It doesn't work.'

How to deal with wikileaks

The Office Dinosaur in: Mr. Fix-it

"I was watching it as I was eating my breakfast cereal, and it just went; Snap, crackle and pop!"

"You can count on two things in this life: tax code revisions and software updates."

Error: System clock is running 30 seconds slow!

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

'Help!'

I tapped the keys repeatedly.

"I think it's a computer virus."

"I never gave you more than you could handle. Well, except for all those passwords."