Tech Trend Follower Gifts

"The good news is we've financed another dot.com for no fathomable reason."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

"Our privacy policy has changed. Press 'I Agree,' because what are you really going to do about it?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Almost. . . this is going to be a great selfie."

My Latest N.F.T.

"You're all hashtag summarily dismissed."

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

"We're going to have to let you go. I've just bought a better version of you online that's 25% better for half the cost."

'But you think people are ready for our new kind of network, huh?'

"We should have invested in tech stocks."

What's 'Bitcoin'?

"How does it know which bit is fit?"

"Strange - more people are buying the sex bot than the I-told-you-so bot."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Isn't there an app for this?"

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"That shirt is so last year."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Giraffe Selfie

'Tech stocks rose on news that nerds are now considered 'hip'.'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."