Tech-savvy Slimmer Pillows

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

City Marathon.

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'All tests point to the same conclusion: it is indeed a big banana.'

'The 'Business Man's Lunch?' The chicken salad comes served in a laptop.'

"Not bad, but it has a sort of plastic aftertaste."

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

"Something photogenic for each of us."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'Good grief! You'd think in this day and age they'd have found a way to make these things lighter.'

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

Questions Online

'After 5 minutes it turns itself off and says: 'Get a life!''

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'I'm just checking my e-cigarette.'

"Hold on, the puck is coming this way."

Today's Babysitter

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

"Hang on a minute! #Totesinlabour!"

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Sports and new technologies

'I used to be confined to my backyard, but with this mobile device, I can do my business anywhere.'

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

'Stop text-messaging your alphabet soup.'

"Too much information."

"Alexa, tell me I'm a bad girl."