Tech-savvy Slimmer Pillows

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

City Marathon.

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'All tests point to the same conclusion: it is indeed a big banana.'

'The 'Business Man's Lunch?' The chicken salad comes served in a laptop.'

"Not bad, but it has a sort of plastic aftertaste."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"Something photogenic for each of us."

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'After 5 minutes it turns itself off and says: 'Get a life!''

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

'Good grief! You'd think in this day and age they'd have found a way to make these things lighter.'

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

Questions Online

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'I'm just checking my e-cigarette.'

"Hold on, the puck is coming this way."

Today's Babysitter

"Hang on a minute! #Totesinlabour!"

Sports and new technologies

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

'I used to be confined to my backyard, but with this mobile device, I can do my business anywhere.'

"Too much information."

"Alexa, tell me I'm a bad girl."

"Here's an idea son, stop trying to order our drinks by text and get yourself up to the bar!"

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

I can't talk now, somebody's accidently booted the system and the server's going down!