Tech-savvy Seer Prints

"This just isn't doing it for me. Could we go back to using the crystal ball?"

A fortune-teller working her new big plasma crystal ball.

'What crystal ball?'

"I just use an app now."

"Of course I'm good at predicting the future. That's why I invested in a desktop."

Plugged In

God's Phone

"I'm going on a retreat."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

Rumours Online

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"We're in a dying industry, and you're just sitting there! Well, I'm going to do something about it-I'm starting a Web site."

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

Crystal Ball Plug

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

End of world nigh!!!

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"I do miss the crystal ball."

Palm Top Readings

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"I'm gettng a message from the Other Side ... buffering ... still buffering ..."

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

"I'm going on a retreat."

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

Policeman on the internet looking for suspect.

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"