Tech-savvy Healer Pillows

"I digitized all of the medical records of my patients. Now all I have to do is run your record through my diagnostic app to see how to treat you."

'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

'Your x-ray showed a broken leg, but I fixed it on our computer.'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

'I can refer you to Dr. Staley, who is a noted internist....of the JJ39 computer, which does a wonderful job of diagnosis.'

Computer Diagnosis Man.

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Junior Doctor.

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'When I grow up I'm going to be a doctor. If science has left anything uncured.'

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

'I'm giving you a referral to Bobby Smith down the street.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Did you find someone to practice your first aid on, dear?'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

Medical Student

'I don't know what happened! All I did was say I went into medicine for the money!'

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

'Let's play alternative health provider.'

End of world nigh!!!

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up."