Tech-savvy Feline Fan Gifts

'I like the touch screen, but I miss playing with the mouse.'

"That cat is feral, but I am making progress with him. He won't let me touch him, but he is texting me."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

Police Feline Unit

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Fluffy explains her string theory.

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

'I just love that little fluffy grey kitten!'

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Woman pins up a Lost Cat poster on a telegraph pole, but the cat is hiding from her behind the pole.

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

"Get your polka-dot butt out of my leaves!"

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

'HEEL!...HEEL!'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

"I think it's unfair to call her a "crazy cat-lady": She just loves all 63 of us..."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."