Tech-savvy Comedian Gifts

'He's disappointed because he heard that site had a high bounce rate, so he thought it had a lot of cleavage.'

"Forget it, Goliath, I've decided to attack you online instead."

"Hmm, I didn't know that mobile phones could kill..."

"I thought you said these scales speak your weight?"

"That's it, now press, 'Reply-All' and bingo! Everybody's prayers have been answered."

"What's this 11th commandment - thou shalt not tweet without thinking?"

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

I've always been slower than computers...

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Noah posted his first tweet.

"That guys is stealing my data!"

Modern Calamities. Farmer in the Dell. Do something Maw

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"Re-calculating, arrive at your final destination in six...five...four..."