Tech-savvy Comedian Gifts

'He's disappointed because he heard that site had a high bounce rate, so he thought it had a lot of cleavage.'

"Forget it, Goliath, I've decided to attack you online instead."

"Hmm, I didn't know that mobile phones could kill..."

"I thought you said these scales speak your weight?"

"That's it, now press, 'Reply-All' and bingo! Everybody's prayers have been answered."

"What's this 11th commandment - thou shalt not tweet without thinking?"

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

I've always been slower than computers...

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

"That guys is stealing my data!"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Universal remote, my eye!'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.