Tech-progress Sceptic Gifts

'I've gone from watching movies in Cinemascope to a smart phone...and they call this progress?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Privacy

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Domestic Spying Drones

Big Brother.

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'