Progress Skeptic Gifts

Progress?

Down with technology! It creates more jobs than it eliminates!

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Politicians are from Uranus.

The Mainstream

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

A man without a chicken on his head!

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

Doing Something About the Weather

'No 'Natural Environment,' next 127 miles - Govt. test study.'

"Oh! I thought that was our party manifesto..."

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

"I have every confidence that the measures taken will encourage spending..."