Tech Jargon Lover Gifts

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Microwaves - Those tiny ripples in the water caused by a supermodel diving into her swimming pool.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

The Selfie

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"I can't find my other boot. I need to be rebooted."

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Wanna toss the ol' virtual pigskin?"

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

'The smart phone is amazing you can contact anybody in the world.'