Tech Jargon Lover Gifts

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Microwaves - Those tiny ripples in the water caused by a supermodel diving into her swimming pool.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

The Selfie

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"I can't find my other boot. I need to be rebooted."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Wanna toss the ol' virtual pigskin?"

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

Research and Development: 'We've finally done it. An actual cell phone!'

A Cyber-Nerd Romance.

'The smart phone is amazing you can contact anybody in the world.'

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

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