Tech Humorist Gifts

"I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking."

Internet Epitaphs

"I'm waiting for them to work out the bugs first,"

'Do you have a cordless model'

Guess your weight, height, date of birth, e-mail address, and social security number.

'What is it?'

"I'm in way over my head"

'To sped up our sandbox compliance issues I've called in a couple of sandbox experts.'

'I borrowed it from my dog. It helps keep my phone conversations more private.'

"Facebook is offering to do my taxes for me this year. They say it will be quick and convenient because they've already gathered all the information they need."

Psychiatrist taps patient on head and says: 'Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again.'

"For the last time you cannot catch a computer virus."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Talk in private - 25 cents.

"It appears to be some kind of wireless technology."

Caller ID - "Who am I?"

"Don't panic. It's only a prototype."

It's alright darling, I'm driving hands free

'It's our website's grand opening. We're offering all of our visitors free cookies when they log on.'

Before Facebook: Tonight I'm having pork chops

Man on island e-mail error message.

'Apparently it has anti-cheating software installed.'

"Now, before we go, does anyone have to empty their cache?"

A man looks at a sign in front of an elevator that reads "Out of Order - Technicians conducting tests of elevator's capacity to withstand inane chitchat."

'Our system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"I'm afraid of computers."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

Ideas that failed: The computer moose.

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'That virus was so contagious, I'd even refrain from using the same electrical outlet.'

'I'd be careful of spyware.'

"Have you tried turning him off and on again?"

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'I represent the British Phonographic Industry. We believe your dog is illegally downloading music.'