Tech-free Vacationer Gifts

"I wonder what our phones are doing right now."

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

"Who can we call?"

"People will pay anything to get away from it all. These babies don't even have WiFi on them."

'Oh, relax. Stopping to ask how to use the GPS does not violate the male decree against asking directions.'

"There's no phones, social media, selfies, reality TV, online trolls, political-correctness or fake news."

"Wait a minute - I know there's something we've forgotten to worry about."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

"Behold, Penny. The 'Wi-Fi dead zone.'"

"It does Morton a world of good to get away for a while."

'Arnie fell asleep under his beach chair.'

This way to Utopia. . . No cell or wifi reception here.

'There's no WiFi, the phones out of range and the TV doesn't work. Our weekend getaway is ruined!'

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

"There'll be another case of deliberate nobbling if I get my hands on you lot."

I've got no cell phone, no computer, no grumbling wife, no stupid boss. Feel free to envy me.

"Anywhere that doesn't have TVs, computers, radios, ipods, cell phones, or video games."

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

It's Rudy's annual treecation – A low-cost vacation spent sitting under his tree. This year, a twist: His gadgets have lost battery life and his portable generator is out … Don't panic. Maybe this is a battery tree. Just leaves. Or maybe there's an outlet. Bark. What kind of tree is this?! Proudly powered by sun and roots.

'We gotta go. All our batteries are dead.'

'Remember when we would come to the beach and not delete email?'

Welcome To Utopia - No phones Past This Point

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

'I haven't felt this giddy with freedom since I turned off my Blackberry!'

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet...where the hell am I??"

'He won't email, text or tweet. He's so inaccessible!'

No Phone Signal For 20 Miles. Trauma Counselors Standing by. . .

'The invitation says, 'Sorry, no children or cellular phones.'

"Ever since you punished me by taking my phone, I've been able to better relate to those blues songs you listen to."

"Get off the internet and get a life."

Here's our cabin. Isn't it spectacular? It's awfully quiet. Exactly! No traffic. No motor boats. No malls. Not even any bars! No bars?!

'Away from it all, but with no annoying cell phone break-ups.'