Tease Maestro Pillows

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Orchestra.

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

Children playing in the street

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

A Dummy Corporation.

'Dad... He's still making faces at me!'

"Look at you! Dirty all over! I told you not to play with your ink!!"

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy myself a new car, a new house for Dad and new clothes for Tia Carmen!"

"But this way I know where everything is."

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

"Oh, good! Lucille is sending me some stuff!"

"Something has happened to the canary."

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

'A table for four please - she has an imaginary friend.'

I think the revolution's started - his room's in an awful mess!

Baby driver

"You've probably already guessed, ...I'm the bluebird of sloppiness."

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

'This bloke is good.' - 'He's even better when he takes his cue out of it's case.'

'Of course I would have preferred to be a music prodigy...'

'I'm waiting until someone develops a Weapon of Mess Destruction.'

Happy Birthday

Wait...who's she talking to?

'Does Rover want a doggie treat?'