Tearful Chef Pillows

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

The Origins of Everything

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Onion Tears

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'..and one for the pot.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Boiling Point

Restaurant. Special: Fricken Chicassee. The chef shouldn't write the special when he's angry.

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"No, there's nothing wrong. I just took a shortcut through the onions."

Cutting onions

Sad Songs.

Sushi Spinoffs

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

Paradigms: Gravity - Evolution by natural selection - A watched autoclave never boils.

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'I'll never look at a cheese omelette ever again!'

"You had me at caramelized, but lost me at onions."

"Now for the stuffing - oo'er Missus."

"No, honey... I've just never known anyone to fix eggs in the toaster!"

Me Multitasking