Teacher Retention Advocate Gifts

'We've had a total of twenty-seven dropouts this term. The total is thirty-two if you count the teachers.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Staff Yearbook

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

Gold versus Knowledge

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

Good writing is good thinking

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

'Boy or girl, straight or gay - I don't care as long as it's science-literate and non-republican.'

'Kids, you can all do it! Latest scientific research shows that you're smarter than previously believed.'

'Education is very important. Let's go buy three liters of books so we can learn!'