Tax Turmoil Expert Pillows

'This administration is getting desperate. Now they say I owe taxes on the gains from my practice account.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

'Keep a lid on it!'

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'Wasn't that the Chancellor?'

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but this particular loophole is only for the use of Federal employees.'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

Tax confusion.

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

"Lessee ... I suppose my current income is around ... "

'Get me into that 15% tax bracket I've heard so much about.'

'What would be the point to be super-rich if we're super-taxed?'

Alcohol Taxes - Can't afford to be a wino, please help.

"But if I raise your allowance you'll loose your none tax payer status"

"With the new tax code, I have until 2025 to become a one-percenter."

'Please enter the amount owed here...use an extra sheet of paper if required.'

You hid your money offshore to avoid taxes? Not just that … Years ago, after exhaustive research, I concluded that our entire socio-economic apparatus would collapse in an orgy of chaos and food-rioting, due to the unsustainable burden of our welfare culture. I started squirreling away my profits, as soon as that communist got elected president. Biden is not a communist. I was talking about Reagan.

"My tax refunds are great! I write off the mileage, report all of the presents as charitable donations and use undocumented elves for labor."

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

"Ms. Jones, find out what my favorite charity is and let me know please."

'You say you were trying to squirm your way out of an audit?'

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir - Just have a seat and don't make any funny moves."