Taxation Pundit Pillows

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

"I rob from the poor and give to the rich."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"Look at that – they’re retreating!"

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"So we have met before..."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

Budget reaction.

Our 4 Branches of Government

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'We learned today that the world is a huge ball, which revolves on it's taxes.'

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

'If the meek inherit the earth, imagine the capital gains tax.'

'Maybe we can't fool all the people all the time, but we sure can tax all the people all the time.'

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

Inside Jim Flaherty's office.

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

'I'm being audited! Quick, everyone into the tax shelter!'

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

"Under the new tax plan, do we get it in the neck more or less than under the old tax plan?"

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'