Tax Time Humorist Pillows

'Any other ways you 'give back' than to the I.R.S.?'

Rhinestone Accountant

IRS, 'Don't forget -- your first payment on that barrel is due in 30 days.'

In the tax office.

Something wrong with your salary? Yes, after tax, pension and union fees, I owe you $34!

'Your money? -- does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?'

No, you can't see him - he's in a good mood and I don't want you spoiling it!

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"